Parenting

Good MannersProducts Relating to 'Good Manners'

Children need to learn how to stand up for their rights, but at the same time learn to consider and respect the feelings and rights of others too - in other words, they need to learn good manners. It is possible to teach children good manners without subjecting them to the repression of previous decades - who can remember being told "children should be seen, but not heard?" Start your toddler on the road to good manners now with the following tips:

• Lay the foundations Good manners aren't just about knowing when to say please and thank you and which cutlery to use with each course. The underlying principle of good manners is consideration towards others. In other words, saying "please" and "thank you" should mean that you care, not that you've simply been taught to use these words. So, to raise a well-mannered child you need to teach the "why" of etiquette along with the "how". What you're actually trying to do is teach manners that come from within - you're trying to raise a caring, respectful child.
• Set a good example The best way to teach your child good manners is to use them yourself. So don't forget to say "please" and "thank you" when it's appropriate, "excuse me" when you bump into someone, chew with your mouth closed and ask for the salt to be passed to you rather than reaching across someone to grab it. But most importantly, don't forget to extend your good manners to your toddler. Say "please" when you ask him to do something, and "thank you" when he does something for you. Apologise if you accidentally knock over his brick tower and you'll be teaching him consideration, respect and care for other people's feelings.
• Speak for your toddler At first your child won't realise that good manners involve saying "thank you for having me" at the end of a play date - so it's up to you to say it for them. They'll hear you using appropriate responses in social situations and your example will teach your child much more about courtesy that any amount of prodding or nagging. If you're always saying "Now, what do you say?" to your child, they'll find this annoying and possibly humiliating and may become even more reluctant to make the right response. It doesn't hurt to remind them occasionally, but it's best to wait for a private moment.
• Don't pressurise your child Nagging about displaying good manners, or punishing your child for not using "please" and "thank you" will teach them the right responses, but won't instil a positive feeling about good manners. This means that your child will be much less likely to behave courteously when you're not there to enforce the rules.
• Be consistent Pressurising your child isn't appropriate, but reminding about good manners is. When you're alone together and your toddler forgets to say please, ask "What's the magic word?" If you get the right response, that's great. If not, fill in the blank space for your child. At least you'll have made it clear that you think good manners are important.
• Listen to your toddler Children who are listened to make better listeners themselves. Being a good listener is an important part of being a polite and considerate individual.

Above all, have realistic expectations. From remembering to say "thank you" to being willing to share a favourite toy, it will take many years of teaching and reminding before your child displays good manners automatically. But do persevere, and one day you'll be very pleased when someone remarks, "My, your child has such good manners!"

Visit www.scruffysbookshop.com to learn more about the new online toolkit, "Kids of Character" designed to help you raise caring, respectful kids in a fun way.

Article Published: Friday 2nd November 2007